I promise this won't take long. I need to vent. Surprised? Oh well this is my blog and I'll cry if I want to.
The tantrums have hit a new level for Grace. She's never been good at transitioning, especially when I pick them up after work. Usually, I can talk her down and maybe get off with a small fit. Fine. Well last night she seriously lost it. Kicked, screamed, flailed and all in my in-laws living room. Embarrassing, yes but it gets worse. The only thing I could think to do is get her outta there! So I think with one shoe off, and half and coat barely on I bear hugged her and got her out to the car. There, she hit me. Right across the face. I can't believe I'm sharing this with the world, but oddly, it makes me feel better. Yep she hit me, it took everything in my power not to reciprocate, but I did not. I told her she was in BIG TROUBLE and buckled her in. Breathe. I was shaking! I can't believe I let her get to me that much. God love Brian's parents, they are so sweet and knew I was upset (they didn't even know she hit me). They just want to help, and fix whatever this crazy trigger is.
Anyway, we got home and of course she got put in time out. But I really didn't think that was enough. Grace has a puppy she named Genevieve that she's been very attached to for the last couple months. I didn't really want to take away her blanket, because I'm not a total monster! So I told her that because she was very naughty and hit mommy, etc etc, that she was not able to have Genevieve tonight. Off and on all evening she would look for her and ask for her and I would explain that this was her punishment. I'm not sure she totally understood. Bedtime was rough, she cried and cried (ok I might be a monster) but I did not give in. I gave her different animals, and she had her blanket. At one point poor Klaire asked if Grace could have Genevieve back so she could go to sleep. Oh geez. She even remembered that she was in the car, and I think I heard some planning to go rescue her. ANYWAY, she finally went to sleep and this morning she got Genevieve back. I explained AGAIN why she got taken away and that if she acted like that again, she would have to have a punishment.
Question. Is she too young to take things away? Do you think I did the right thing?
Side note, I love my husband and he works long hours at a very stressful job one hour away. I pick up and take the girls where they need to be. I do most of the discipline, follow through, and worrying. That's just the way it is. Sometimes I want to be daddy for a day.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
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11 comments:
I feel like I could've written this exact post! My daughter does the same thing and it's so embarrassing!! She kicks and flails and basically head butts me and then hits me with her hands or kicks me. Time outs don't work with her so I usually wait until she wants something really bad and then explain to her that no she cannot have it (i.e. watch a certain video) because she hit me and it made me very unhappy. I've just recently been trying it ... it's not 100% working but it has made some improvement in her hitting.
I feel your pain and frustration. I hope it gets better for you.
Kathleen
Oh Erika, I would have totally been shaking too! I totally think that you did the right thing! Think that she learned her lesson?
I'm so sorry you had such a rough time with her. I think you absolutely did the right thing. I don't think it's too young to take something away...you have to start somewhere. I already do it to Ayla and whether or not she understands it completely, she knows she did something wrong. And good for you for not giving in. It's hard and we feel "mean" but we have to follow through or it'll just get worse. The times that I do give in, I get even more upset with the situation.
I PROMISE you are not the only one who lets your kids get to you the way they do. I have to talk myself down a LOT and just step away for a minute to breathe. I wish I was a lot more patient than I am...I'm working on it.
And I totally know how you feel with Brian working such long hours. I feel like a single mom much of the time and definitely have days when I wish I could switch with Dean.
Hang in there...I hope the tantrums go away soon. You're an amazing mommy. Don't ever forget that.
I've only had a minor tantrum here and there but I definitely think you did the right thing. Plus, both girls are learning the same lesson by seeing hitting/tantrum= no more toy/punishment. Even the one not throwing a tantrum is learning something so that's just as much of a motivation to follow through.
I'm so glad you had the courage to write this. I know so often I censure myself on my blog and only post the nice, happy, fun things not the times when I struggle, worry, or cry. Hopefully I can be more open like you.
I've had this same problem in our house as well. The girls sleep with two lovies (a bear and Minnie.Mouse) and we've begun taking one away if they hit or have a tantrum. As difficult as it is to see them upset due to their punishments you just have to remember that in the long run it's for the best.
Well, as always, I think you're doing great. :) It sounds like maybe she's just tired and cranky from having a cold. I know how cranky I get when I haven't been getting good sleep. I'm sure Aaron could tell you about some of my "tantrums". :)
oh honey, so sorry things are rough! Sounds like we need our getaway earlier than expected!!! ;)you are staying strong and doing great! I take things away from jackson and don't let him have things as well and he is only 2! They are def. old enough to learn consequences! Recently I think jackson has learned something is really wrong when mommy cries. He bit me accidentally when we were playing one time and i started crying and he immediately stopped, looked at daddy, and gave me a hug. you could tell he felt bad or unsure of what was happening. I am seeing how hard it is to give in but sometimes, they push to far and have to learn!
You are NOT the only one doing all of the "fun" work with kids! It's hard to be the nurturer and the disciplinary. I think you did the right thing! They totally understand at this age... they also know how to push the right buttons :) After all it is called trying three's!
Abbie
thank you for all the honesty in your blog- i read it all the time as my twin boys are just a bit younger, 2.5 years old...and tantrums are here, too..in fact, one of them had one in the store yesterday, the other one today- embarassing when people stare but what can you do?
i just wanted to tell you that i appreciate your honesty...
the girls are still gorgeous, though! esther
I agree that you did the right thing. I am going through a rough period with Addison right now too! She hits me also and knows that it is immediate trouble. I get so worked up in my own mind since I am a teacher and feel like I should have some miraculous answer for children's behavior since that is what my degrees are in...but guess what??? I don't! I am much better with other people's kids actually... :)
I COMPLETELY understand being the main caretaker...that is so hard! I feel like I do it all and would LOVE to switch places with Daddy somedays!!! I am pretty sure the Daddy in our house would go nuts if we switched places! :)
Hang in there! You are an awesome mom and your girls will be awesome little ladies with boundaries when it is all said and done!
Erika - My name is Michelle. I am at ahappyheartblot.blogspot.com. I found your blog by typing in "twin mom blogs" in google...
I am a mom to two sets of twins. My first is almost 8 and the 2nd set are only 15months old. First, thank you for letting me stop in and I hope you'll visit my blog when you get a chance! Second - truly, you are not alone. Your question was, did you do the right thing? I would unanimously say yes. I can't tell you how many tantrums we've had. My girls are now 8 and although they can have there own type of tantrum - gone are the days of throwing themselves on the floor etc... Anyway, take care and I hope you are feeling better. Michelle @ ahappyheartblog.
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