I want to talk about insecurities. As a mom, a wife, actually a woman in general. I spend too much of my time focused on the things that I don't do well (like keep my house clean), people that don't like me, and those things that I feel I've failed at. It all gets lumped together some days and it can be overwhelming. Does anyone else do this to themselves? I think that expectations and the "perfect pinterest" standards can really mess with your brain and self-esteem.
For instance, I raise my voice too often with my husband and children. I don't have enough patience with my sweet 6 year olds. I'm in denial that my 9 month old will soon be testing my patience and at the same time I'm sad that he's my last baby (even though we do not need any more babies!) My work relationships are strained or nonexistent, although I'm not sure why or how. I often wonder if I have done or said something to be unapproachable, and it makes me sad that I can't seem to fix this. People tell me I'm too hard on myself. My true friends and family understand me and love me although some days I feel unlovable. My husband also loves me despite my faults, and I him. My kids are wonderful people and are growing and thriving.
So where is the disconnect? I'm insecure despite being loved by those that are most important and truly love me back. I am truly blessed, yet focus on the negative! It makes me SO angry with myself. This probably makes no sense but please don't call the looney bin just yet. I can see the truth that I am a good mom most days. Thank goodness kids are resilient and forgive easily. I do have amazing friends and family that are my strength when I need them and I hope I give the same in return. I'm learning to accept that I can't make everyone like or understand me. It really is ok. Someday, I will be ok with it.
ANYWAY Geez. Snap out of it Erika! I'll leave you with my new fav picture of my little man:)
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4 comments:
We love you just the way you are - ALWAYS remember that! Mom W.
Also, our grandchildren are VERY blessed to have you for their mom! AND we are SO happy that our son has you in his life. Yes, focus on all the GREAT pieces that make you who you are! Mom W. again
Erika- Sing it sister! I think we ALL get this way but the truth is, those of us who know each other as mommas have no judgment against each other. Motherhood and parenting is work -- beautiful, fulfilling, messy, heart-wrenching, guilt-ridden, REWARDING, life-changing -- WORK. And that's okay to admit that. I have yet to meet a perfect mother or a perfect child and I think if I did, it'd be pretty boring:). I will continue to follow your blog, privately or publicly!
I once wrote my guilt-gush in a blog and I think people thought I was depressed or something...the reality is, I was not. I was actually relieved to get it all out there because we bring so much on ourselves only because we compare to things that are perception and not reality.
Thanks for your honesty!!!!
I agree, I think we all feel this way from time to time. You are a beautiful, kind, smart and talented young wife and mother! Please don't let anyone make you feel that you are less than, or that you have done something wrong. I think sometimes it is the other person (s) issue to deal with, not yours. You are a wonderful mother, Erika, and don't EVER doubt that. Not for a minute.
I love you, Mom.
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